Reminiscence

Do you remember?
You came back sick.
Really sick.
All you did was sleep the whole day.
I went over.
You weren't dressed.
Unlocked the door for me.
And went back upstairs to sleep.
I picked a towel.
Plonked it in water.
And we fought.
Because you refused to have it on you.
We bargained. In your sleep.
And you were too tired to say no more.
I won. I put the towel on you.
I sat alone. Watching as you slept.
I climbed into bed with you.
Hugged you as you slept.
I saw the true beauty I fell for.
It was the peace you displayed, through the sick frown you had.
I saw pure beauty.
And I was happy I kissed beauty.

It was time for medication.
But you had to eat first.
I brought your food upstairs.
Fed you mouthful by mouthful.
As you lay weak and tired.
My chopstick skills failed me.
But it was still all good.
I ate the minimal.
Cause I felt full.
Full from the inside.
Not by tangible things.
But by the most wonderful feeling ever.
Love.

It was this same feeling that we yearned.
That we truly possessed. Together.

I still dream about the girl I fell in love with.
Where'd she go?
I miss you.
Please come back soon.
Thanks.

Love,
My yearning heart.

Flummoxed.

You know... i've been seriously thinking about what i really want...
Like I've not stepped out of the house since.. sunday's dinner.
And I thought about.. what i want.. in a r/s, what i want as a career,
what i really wanna do?

But I've finally come to terms with my answer.

I REALLY DON'T KNOW!

I used to be so.. I know what's going on.. I know what i want.
I used to be so.. Focused? I used to be so... well planned.
But you've totally thrown me off...
You made me realised that hey, i'm actually quite unfocused, unplanned,
and totally unknowing about everything.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I'm not saying it's good either.
Just that now I just feel lost?
Maybe it's natural to feel that way.
I wanna talk about it and yet not talk about it.
Is that normal?
I've not felt normal in a long time.
Maybe i still like you that way.
I don't know. I seriously don't know.

Maybe i should stop trying to be abnormal.
cause it's like i'm already am. like long ago.
Dad said to me a few weeks back.
why cant you be normal like everyone else.
you know your dad has high blood..
you wanna give me a heart attack is it?
And that really made me think.
Am i really that abnormal?
But i feel totally normal you know...
It's confusing.

You know how that feeling of
falling head over heals or that feeling of
your heart racing when you see just this one person?
I've not felt that since you.
But i've been getting this really small ones when a few people are around.
What does that mean?

I feel like going out and running all out. And yet I don't feel like gg out at all.
Tell me what to do.
I need someone to tell me what's going on.

You know how you can totally not give a damn about something,
and yet just wanna care about everything?
i'm totally baffled at how confused and lost I really am.
It's like I'm shocked. Like not negatively.. nor positively.
Just neutral. It's so neutral that i dont have any stand on how i feel.

Has anyone felt that way before?
it's kinda freaking me out.
like.. oh my gosh i'm bewildered?

I have so many questions to ask.
And yet I don't wanna sit down and hear anything,
I wanna have the answers but yet i dont really care?

I need to talk to someone maybe.
Maybe i'm going a lil nuts?
Maybe i'm really crazy?
but then again i feel sane.

it's like a major flood of thoughts just hit my head or something.
it's like you lost control over something you've held composed for so long.
19 long years baby. 19 long years.
And it snapped.
the leash broke. melted?
I don't know. it's going haywire.
Everything!
it's like.. sitting in a jungle. huge major thick plumage.
you know you're lost but you're just sitting there.
cause maybe you know you're lost but you're not getting out anyways.
So why try?
maybe you don't wanna get out in the first place.
cause so many things are waiting for you once you get back on track.
it's like... swimming in the middle of the deep blue sea.
you don't know which way's the shore which way's the horizon.
well, tell you what, both sides have shores. just which one's nearer?
ha. bet you didnt think of that huh. haha.
well.. then why do you still swim?

it's like you know how you don't know anymore?
but still you wanna search for it?
but you don't even know what it is.
then? are you gonna search all your life?
but what if the if doesnt come to you even after you die?
then why search for it in the first place?

wait. i dont even know what i'm talking about.
So why talk?
I feel like i'm crazy.
haha.
yes. maybe i just need some help.

Help me? Anyone?

Times Like That.

I'd always think of sms-ing you at 11:12.
Hoping it was me you wished for earlier at 11:11.


You've got me thinking about you constantly.

To You. From Me.

Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard.
Do not let the pain make you hate.
Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.
Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree,
You still believe it to be a beautiful place.






I <3 You.

I Need Sleep.

O no. Down with flu.

And I still have to do my video editing trailer.

TSK.

Well at least thank goodness my FYP's editing is done.

Only left with background music and my documentation.

Great stuff. And I'm happy on how it's looking right now.

I think Fidelia did a great job on her acting.

Nailed it. Not bad la for first timer.

Dung. Why did I choose to do kinetic typography for my trailer?

Now I have soooo much to do.

I spent the whole of friday doing only my end promo tagline.

Wahlau. I have to chiong before tmr morning.

Cause after church Mong and Aida are coming over to use my com.

And I reckon I would be needing some sleep.

Monday I have FYP Interim 2.

So I have to finish my trailer before my presentation.

If not no time to do.

O wells. I shall start work now. Ta.

PS. You look really beautiful when you sleep.

Can I hold you and watch you till I fall asleep too?

Of Serious Sardonicism

OMG. I'm super laughing it off.

Thanks for the de-stress.

Really apt.

You know how sometimes when people keep getting the attention,

all the care and all the love they need?

And suddenly it hits them that they've lost all of that?

Well maybe not all.. but a large extend of it is mostly gone?

Yeah. That's the time where they feel it the most.

FEEL. like... wow. they are actually capable of that.

I know right.

Hide. Go on.

Hide all you want.

Because ultimately you yourself would be the ONLY one who

feels it biting you up inside.

Enjoy eating yourself up from the inside.

Love,

Sarah.

I'm Crazy For You

I've been thinking.

Alot.

Even amongst all my busy FYP stuff

and vid editing,

I've been thinking.

About all the people coming to me...

But ultimately, I want someone who is there,

Not throwing herself at you...

Though bodies to have,

I'd rather emotions.

Ups or downs, I wanna have them.

Well, preferably the ups but anyways it all comes together.

She rolls the window down
And she
Talks over the sound
Of the cars that pass us by
And I don't know why
But she's changed my mind

Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
But she don't know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl
Yeah, I'm crazy for this girl

She was the one to hold me
The night
The sky fell down
And what was I thinking when
The world didn't end
Why didn't I know what I know now

Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
But she don't know how I feel
As she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she'll figure out
I'm crazy for this girl
I'm crazy for this girl

Right now
Face to face
All my fears
Pushed aside
And right now
I'm ready to spend the rest of my life
With you

Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
But she don't know how I feel
AS she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl
I'm crazy for this girl

Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
But she don't know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl
I'm crazy for this girl

I know you're probably worried about so many things.

Well, be sure I'm always here for you.

I can't say I love you now,

But I can assure you you're constantly on my mind.

It's not that I try, but it just somehow is so.

I'll be here if you wanna talk.

Because behind that front is a beautiful girl that I want to get to know.

I would like to you to be a part of me,

every part of me.

You're not my rebound.

Of this I am sure.